He Aint Thinkin Bout You

It's funny how when he's home
all he does is text you
Guess cause he aint got much ta do
But as soon as he goes out
he clearly shows
He aint thinkin bout you

The calls go unanswered
The texts make it seem as if
you're talkin to yourself
Hours and hours pas by
And it becomes more apparent that
He aint thinkin bout you

It's not that he can't be out
havin his fun
Just tha fact that he expects texts from you
when you're the one that's out
With no problem you comply
cuz you  can't even deny
He's always on your mind
So a simple "i love you" is what you send
You expect then a reply
but again he makes it clear that
He aint thinkin bout you

He said he would come see you today
See you off before you left outta town
cuz it's been a while since he's come around
But now he's no where to be found
And your calls get no answer
You already know
He aint thinkin bout you

Alone

He doesn't care
He hasn't even noticed I'm not there
Pain from the needles in my arm
As the constant drip of morphine tries to make me numb
The number of visitors I've had since I've been here is less than one
The morphine only numbs so much
My emotions are loud and as the tears fall from my eyes
I begin to realize I am alone
My boyfriend hasn't even called my phone
No text to see if I'm ok or how I feel

I barely get a response when I txt him
I don't have to wonder why
I just wonder who
has his attention
And did I forget to mention
I've been here more than a day
But its tha game that he chooses to play
And by my side he choose not to lay

My heart hurts
So in this bed I stay
As the occasional nurse comes in to check on me
And as she give me more pain medicine
Slowly the tears stop as I begin to slip into sleep
The pain is over for today
But one fact remains,
I'm still in this room alone

The Double Standards Of Life

     You've got to admit... the world is pretty messed up. Life's not fair but then again who said it was supposed to be? One of the things that bother me the most is the double standards between females and males. How can something be ok for one type of people but not for another? Let me give you a few examples:

     It amazes me how a man can sleep with as many women as he wants and be labeled as "tha man".  He got chicks on deck and he's a pimp! PUH-LEEZE! Who made that shit up? I brought this subject up to someone and their response is that America is a country where bigamy is against the law. In other countries a man is able to have as many wives as he wants as long as he can take care of all of them. Note i said WIVES not smash buddies or smuts. But the woman is not to have another husband due to tradition. I believe that what the man was trying to explain to me is that because America is the only place where this is a problem it is US that thinks that. *BUZZER!!* wrong! If it's wrong for one type of person then it's wrong for another! Gender should not play a role in what's right or wrong.

     Another is how it is okay for a female to show her feelings and get all emotional but for a male to do it's portrayed as weak. Once again WHO MADE THAT RULE? I think its a complex kinda like a pride thing. Society has given us this prototype of what a man is supposed to be. One of the things a man is "supposed to be" is strong and never portray weakness. They say that one fault of a woman is that we are too emotional. We let our feelings get to the best of us and lead us in decision making. That they (society) say, is our downfall. For a man to show his emotions you see him at an extremely vulnerable state. In worst cases... you may see that man cry. And to some that is a weakness, something that a man should not show.

     Those are just two examples with a brief description of each. There are many other double standards females and males are faced with.  I just wanted to write a short piece on it. In the next few days I will be doing a video blog on this subject with more examples than those mentioned here.

I DO IT TO MYSELF

I DO TO MYSELF
BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I MEAN
I DO IT TO MYSELF
BECAUSE I WANT TO LIVE THE DREAM
I DO IT TO MYSELF
BECAUSE I WANT CERTAIN THINGS
I DO IT TO MYSELF
BUT LIFE IS HARDLY WHAT IT SEEMS
I DO IT TO MYSELF
CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP
I DO IT TO MYSELF
BECAUSE I HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH
I DO IT TO MYSELF
NOT CAUSE IT'S SOMETHING TO DO
BUT I DO IT TO MYSELF

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU

Confused and Torn

I feel so empty inside
Like every ounce of joy that I had
Has left
I totally understand sometimes after a break up
females be like "now what am i supposed to do?"
That's so how I feel and
It's not a good feeling at all
I put so much more into that relationship than most knew
Even him cause he was blinded by past mistakes
He just couldn't let it go
So we had to let it go
It hurts me to my soul to not have him
Slick pathetic
And yet... I wish he were right here
I wanted him to be the one
Wanted things to change
They just didn't
Somewhere along tha line we stopped
bein on tha same page
I say both are to blame
But that's not the topic

I love so much

And still do

To want him or nothing

Was one thing it came to

Two times I tried

But the Lord had denied

Those things considered

And we still couldn't find

A way to bridge tha things we wanted

So i'm torn and confused

and now my heart is bruised

Lost

Lost in a world where the bad seems good

where the best things in life are free

but take lots of time to maintain and work

Lost in thought cause I'm so confused

cause I just don't know what to do

Lost in the zone cause there in that moment in time

i feel safe

Lost and alone

cause I've got no one to call my own

Lost cause the world is a crazy place

Lost in a world where friends are few

and tru love is hard to find

Lost  between whats real and whats fake

Lost somewhere that i'm not sure i will pull thru

or that the sun will even shine again

Lost because sometimes thats easier

than facing the evil that the world gives out

Lost because i'm just not even sure who i am

It Never Ends Well

It never ends well
Bitch this
Fuk you that
IDK which is fact

Hurt feelings equal
Harsh words
Things I never hope to hear you say
But still I stay
Hopeing for the best
Not paying attention to the rest
Of the hurtful things you say
Cause it never ends well
When hurt feelings are involved

No matter how hard you try
Things will slip by
You may be cought up
Maybe fukd up
You never know
But things never end well